Most pregnant women get these statements from friends and family but shy away from making requests when they are up to their ears in dirty laundry, unmade beds, dust bunnies and countertops crowded with dirty dishes. The myth of “I’m fine, I’m doing great, new motherhood is wonderful, I can cope and my husband is the Rock of Gibraltar” is pervasive in postpartum land. If you’re too shy to ask for help and make straight requests of people, I suggest sending the following list out to your friends and family. These are the things I have found to be missing in every house with a new baby. It’s actually easy and fun for outsiders to remedy these problems for the new parents but there seems to be a lot of confusion about what’s wanted and needed…

1. Buy us toilet paper, milk and beautiful whole grain bread.

2. Buy us a new garbage can with a swing top lid and 6 pairs of black cotton underpants (women’s size____).

3. Make us a big supper salad with feta cheese, black Kalamata olives, toasted almonds, organic green crispy things and a nice homemade dressing on the side. Drop it off and leave right away. Or, buy us frozen lasagna, garlic bread, a bag of salad, a big jug of juice, and maybe some cookies to have for dessert. Drop it off and leave right away.

4. Come over about 2 in the afternoon, hold the baby while I have a hot shower, put me to bed with the baby and then fold all the piles of laundry that have been dumped on the couch, beds or in the room corners. If there’s no laundry to fold yet, do some.

5. Come over at l0 a.m., make me eggs, toast and a 1/2 grapefruit. Clean my fridge and throw out everything you are in doubt about. Don’t ask me about anything; just use your best judgment.

6. Put a sign on my door saying “Dear Friends and Family, Mom and baby need extra rest right now. Please come back in 7 days but phone first. All donations of casserole dinners would be most welcome. Thank you for caring about this family.”

7. Come over in your work clothes and vacuum and dust my house and then leave quietly. It’s tiring for me to chat and have tea with visitors but it will renew my soul to get some rest knowing I will wake up to clean, organized space.

8. Take my older kids for a really fun-filled afternoon to a park, zoo or Science World and feed them healthy food.

9. Come over and give my husband a two hour break so he can go to a coffee shop, pub, hockey rink or some other r & r that will delight him. Fold more laundry.

10. Make me a giant pot of vegetable soup and clean the kitchen completely afterwards. Take a big garbage bag and empty every trash basket in the house and reline with fresh bags.

These are the kindnesses that new families remember and appreciate forever. It’s easy to spend money on gifts but the things that really make a difference are the services for the body and soul described above. Most of your friends and family members don’t know what they can do that won’t be an intrusion. They also can’t devote 40 hours to supporting you but they would be thrilled to devote 4 hours. If you let 10 people help you out for 4 hours, you will have the 40 hours of rested, adult support you really need with a newborn in the house. There’s magic in the little prayer “I need help.”

First posted online August 2001

http://www.glorialemay.com/blog/?p=34

Until…..as part of a home church, I had the opportunity to do a lengthy study on the male and female curse in Genesis 3.  I learned so many things about my life, deep disappointments, and greater longings.  One of the many things that I learned is that God created our female bodies with beauty and purpose and that includes our cycles!  That we are redeemed from the curse, we are an irreplaceable part of the cycle of life, and that we can appreciate and be proud of the gift that God has given us.

Years later, as I studied natural family planning and fertility awareness in preparation for my marriage,  I was in awe of all that I had never been taught in that “health class”, by any OBGyn, or any other woman for that matter.  Angry really.

I wanted to share this information with women and began telling my girlfriends, taught classes to women, MOPS groups, and anyone who would listen.  In one of those classes, some of the women started asking about sharing the information with their daughters.  They wanted to be prepared for having the discussion later, as their girls got older.  But, as we talked, I learned that many of these girls were already 8-10 years old.  I challenged and encouraged them to start sharing this information with their girls as soon as possible.  The more we share and make it open conversation, the less scary and foreign it is.  And, if we don’t share it with our girls, someone else will.   So, the next question was, “When are you going to offer a class for our daughters?”  I loved the idea, but as a fairly new mom myself, I had no idea where to start in terms of writing curriculum for young girls and teenagers, and I still wanted to invite the moms themselves into the conversation with their daughters.

Fast forward to 2010.  I have twin girls who are 4 1/2 going on 17, and an almost 2 year old daughter.  With a mother that is a midwifery student, doula, and educator, my children (including my son) are not short on vocabulary regarding their bodies and birth.  I am always searching for ways to share with them about this beautiful process and how amazing the body is, in language that is appropriate for their age.  And, it saddens me deeply that there are so many adult women who have very little knowledge about their own bodies and cycles and therefore, have little to pass on to their daughters.  Then, I happened upon a brochure for Blessing God’s Way ministries and a beautifully written curriculum for Maidens by His Design.  And, I can’t wait to start teaching the mother/daughter classes!  It’s a celebration of women and our cycles and is approached in a lighthearted informative way.  What amazing creatures we are!  And God made each one of us in his image!  The course is designed for weekly study (5, 2-hour sessions) or a full Saturday and includes crafts, games, tons of information, and a beautiful time of bonding among mother/daughter pairs.  Please contact me for information on scheduling a class in your community (hostesses receive a discounted rate) or click here for current class schedule and rates.

MAIDENS BY HIS DESIGN COURSE:

As parents prepare their older children for adolescence, one important component of this parental teaching is a mother’s instruction on her coming-of-age daughter about her cycle.   Most parents simply give their children the biological “facts” about menstruation.  But suppose you could introduce your daughter to this event in the context of God’s beautiful design?   Home schooling mother, owner of Blessing God’s Way, and doula/birth assistant, Doran Richards, has designed a thoughtful and modest course that mothers and daughters can attend together in order to learn about this cycle for their bodies, about proper nourishment during their cycle, about learning to cultivate a joyful spirit of prayer and anticipation during their cycle.

What is particularly unique about this course is Mrs. Richard’s emphasis on the goodness and beauty of something that our culture thinks is merely a “pain in the neck” or an unfair burden on women: menstruation.  She urges women to not giveinto these sad attitudes but to approach the onset of menstruation as an opportunity to get to know and understand your body and your health more deeply, and to give thanks to God for how you are made.   Menstruation should not be seen as a curse or a burden, but as a season of life given to women by God our Father as a blessing.

“Maidenhood is a special time. It is an amazing process; so intricate that only God could have created such a process. I am in awe every time I think of it. You will be, as well, once you finish this course, if you are not already.”

Dr. Jeanne Ohm opened the conference with information about trusting the process for natural birthing, chiropractic care in pregnancy, and the “Dystocia Ride caused by mechanistic procedures”.  She is doing an amazing work with women and families and I was sad to miss her other sessions.  My favorite comment was when she was referring to those that question why vaginal birth is preferred over elective cesarean.  She said, “Would you rather chew your food, or have a feeding tube?  Would you rather move your bowels or have a colostomy?”  She clarified the meaning of the Webster technique as not just the breech technique but rather, “specific chiropractic analysis and adjustment that reduces interference to the nerve system and facilitates biomechanical balance in pelvic structures, muscles and ligaments. This has been shown to reduce the effects of intrauterine constraint, allowing the baby to get into the best possible position for birth.”

She also shared a story about chickens setting on their eggs and the “power of one” – how 1 hen taught the others the amazing ability she had as a mother to incubate her eggs.  Once she started doing it, they all wanted to do it.  We have this same power with our birth stories.

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” –A. Einstein

Dr. Jeanne Ohm is a practicing DC in a family, wellness based practice since 1981.  She’s the Producer and writer of the children’s chiropractic song, “Power On!” and educational video, “Birth Trauma: A Modern Epidemic.”  She’s the Executive Coordinator for the International Chiropractic Pediatric Association (click to find a chiropractor in your area) and the Executive Editor of Pathways to Family Wellness Magazine.

My favorite chiropractors in the Denver area are:

Dr. Michele Orchard and City Center Chiropractic in Aurora

Dr. Tod McDaniel and McDaniel Chiropractic in Littleton

and Dr. Mario Chavez and Vita Nova Spinal Care in Littleton.

Join us for an evening with an amazing stortyteller, a birth activist, author of three books, a pioneer in midwifery, and the visionary of The Safe Motherhood Quilt Project.

Friday, May 21, 2010

7:00pm – Doors open at 5:00p for book-signing with Ina May.

L2 Arts and Culture Center – 1477 Columbine St.

$10 per person, cash or check only
Advance ticket purchases are available at http://www.coloradomidwives.org/conferences.html

Sponsored by the Colorado Midwives Association
For more information please visit www.coloradomidwives.org and www.inamay.com

Here’s my latest experience:

I had a  lovely experience at Mountain Midwifery for my well-woman visit….comfy family-centered office and waiting area, 45 minute visit, lots of my questions answered, great health recommendations and exercise solutions, many natural solutions to squirrely hormone issues, AND I wore a cozy cloth gown instead of those nasty paper things.  I met with Tracy Ryan, CNM and she also had a student with her, who was fabulous as well.

I’m about to make an appointment with Anne Walters, CNM for Maya Abdominal Massage, which I’m excited about and will report back after.

So, what do you think ladies?

Share your experience, let us know who you think Denver’s finest is.

Injoy and Lamaze International have teamed together to provide online easily accessible information to any expectant parent.

Click here to view the videos.

Here’s a list of the print materials.

Healthy Birth Your Way: Six Steps to a Safer Birth

• Complete Booklet (18-page PDF)
  • Introduction: Birth – As Safe and Healthy As It Can Be (1-page PDF)
  • 1: Let Labor Begin on Its Own (2-page PDF)
  • 2: Walk, Move Around, and Change Positions Throughout Labor (2-page PDF)
  • 3: Bring a Loved One, Friend, or Doula for Continuous Support (2-page PDF)
  • 4: Avoid Interventions That Are Not Medically Necessary (2-page PDF)
  • 5: Avoid Giving Birth on Your Back, and Follow Your Body’s Urges to Push (2-page PDF)
  • 6: Keep Your Baby With You – It’s Best for You, Your Baby, and Breastfeeding (2-page PDF)

Additional Helpful Printouts

• Choosing a Care Provider (1-page PDF)
• Changing Your Care Provider (1-page PDF)
• If You Have Been Induced (1-page PDF)
• Maintaining Freedom of Movement (1-page PDF)
• Positions for Labor (3-page PDF)
• Finding a Doula (1-page PDF)
• Creating a Support Team (1-page PDF)
• Tips for Labor Support People (2-page PDF)
• Birth Planning Worksheet (1-page PDF)
• References (2-page PDF)

Typically, patients are not admitted unless they are at least 4 cm.  However, due to her circumstance, my client was allowed to go upstairs to get a hot bath and try and relax.  Once in the labor and delivery unit, we were met with open arms by midwife Joy and wonderful supportive nurses.  Mama labored for another 16 hours and was supported overnight by amazing midwife Geri and fabulous nurses Bernice and Beth who provided nurturing, empathy, and flexibility while maintaining exceptional health care.  Mama moved from the tub to the side of the bed, laboring long and hard.  In the morning, we were greeted with fresh eyes and hopeful hearts by midwife Susan and nurse Michael who calmly provided excellent support and guidance.  And 4 hours later, baby boy entered the world screaming, greeting his mama and dad.

They were thrilled and couldn’t stop talking about how wonderful everyone had been and what a blessing their birth experience was.

Thank you Denver Health midwives and nursing staff for supporting the birth plan, being flexible when the plan changes, and for providing exemplary care to laboring mamas, their partners, and their babies!

“Speak tenderly to them. Let there be kindness in your face, in your eyes, in your smile, in the warmth of your greeting. Always have a cheerful smile. Don’t only give your care, but give your heart as well.”  Mother Teresa, quoted on the Nurse Midwives of Colorado website.

Here are some helpful suggestions for back labor:

• Change positions frequently
• Use movement, especially sexy circular hip movements
• Hands and knees positions allow access to the back for massage and use gravity to pull baby toward mom’s belly instead of her back
• Massage and counter-pressure
• Apply heat using a rice sock or bed buddy
• Hydrotherapy – soaking in a labor tub

Another handy, yet sometimes unfamiliar, alternative for many discomforts and dystocia is the use of homeopathics.

Here’s an excerpt from a Midwifery Today article on the topic.  “Homeopathic remedies are a safe and effective means of treating a woman experiencing back labour. Homeopathic medicine along with comfort measures such as counter-pressure, hydrotherapy and positioning are very positive means of assisting the baby to move into the most desirable position for birth and result in more effective contractions with a shorter and a less painful labour for the mother. Homeopathic remedies are easy to administer and act quickly and dynamically to alleviate back pain.”

Additional suggestions for all pregnant mamas prior to labor:

• Optimal foetal positioning
• Visit a chiropractor during pregnancy for optimal allignment